✓ Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed õ Download by ☆ Lance Carbuncle

✓ Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed õ Download by ☆ Lance Carbuncle Without a doubt, this is the most incredible road trip ever I have never experienced so many strange situations and eccentric characters in the course of one book This author knows what he s doing Not once does the pace lag, and the peculiarities are fresh and endlessly entertaining I am very impressed with Lance Carbuncle s ability to pull this story over the edge without ever crashing A man is in search of his beloved best friend, his dog named Idjit Galoot There are many amusing names within these pages, some of them winking at the reader due to their references i.
e.
, Haskel and Cleaver There are other references to be caught as well if one is paying attention, um hmmm No stone is left unturned There are choopa choppas, a town full of Pedros, Fat Elvis, s This is a hilarious debute novel about a 30 something year old guy, messed up from years of drug use, who lives at home with his mom, his catarac inflicted, nose repelling, lumpy bodied basset hound, and his stuffed Daddy, and the amazingly action packed road trip he embarks upon.
Madness Mayhem Hitchhiking Christian Terrorists Crazy Pedros An exploding sombrero Ziplocked frozen poo A Clubfoot musician who never stops playing his guitar And his faithful dog Idjit, relaying important information to him through his dreams Not to mention a reference to Shaun of the Dead.
my all time favorite movie ever This book is a must read Carbuncles creative use of footnotes alone should be enough for you to want to take a peek I was lucky enough to have gotten my hands on a copy of this novel via a contest through Goodreads Carbun It should have been simple enough drive a moving van to Florida WITHOUT wreaking any havoc on the way, BUT when part of your cargo is a taxidermied old dude dressed for every conceivable holiday, you re bound to hit a snag or twoThis was a hilarious, deceptively simple fable about a man struggling to reunite with his best pal.
In addition to a heartwarming story, we re also treated to nifty little footnote factoids about turkey vultures, jackalopes and foreskins The book also contains my favorite rant EVER, delivered by an Elvis hating bluesman named Fat ElvisDang boy, you the one gave me that vocabulary book for my edification Now you want to make fun of my articulation, enunciation and eloquence I take umbrage at your affront Keep it up and I will defenestrate you Believe me, you ll want to tag alon The anti hero in Carbuncle s book, SMASHED etc.
, is a 35 year old metal head who lives in his mother s basement and doesn t work because some drug experiment has rendered him mentally incapable Let the hilarity begin The problem with most comic novels is that they tend to be, well, not funny This isn t the case with SMASHED The main character goes from one ridiculous situation to the next and manages to make it somehow believable The narrative voice is what made this book so enjoyable for me In his travels from Ohio to Florida, his descriptions of the characters he meets along the way couldn t beaccurate He describes these people and the reader immediately identifies Here are just a couple On barmaid Ramona The barmaid approaches She has red hair, a black eye, and yellow teeth On Cousin Denny Denny is always full of advice In his small mind he is all Usually I don t like books containing i dreams, ii pets and iii talking animals So why four stars and not the minus three stars it deserves according to these rules Because i the pet only appears in dreams, ii the pet sometimes speaks in a scottish accent and iii for the first time I got a plausible explanation for the term defenestration.
That waswild Lance Carbuncle s newest audibook is a Gonzoesque, Jodorowskian surreal road novel that stretches all the way to Florida, otherwise known as the butt end of America More important, part of this story is about the meaning that pets take in lonely people s lives The narrator of this book with a title too long to be repeated is a middle aged metalhead living on disabilities because of an MDMA trip turned bad and seeks human contact beyond his mother s with an intensity so despaired, it is comical indeed It s like Jack Kerouac got beat up by Carlton Mellick III, got brain damaged and started writing comedy Maybe I liked this book because I m a lonely guy with a dog, but it read like a Surreal, Picaresque adventure novel that only a twisted mind like Lance Carbuncle could ve come up with I wouldn t call it Bizarro I wouldn t call it exactly surreal I would call it Carbunclest Idjit Galoot Has A Problem He Escaped From His Master S House For A Brief Romp Around Town, Seeking Out Easy Targets Such As Bitches In Heat, Fresh Roadkill And Unguarded Garbage Cans When He Returns To His House, The Aged Basset Hound Discovers That His Master Has Packed Up Their Belongings And Moved To Florida Without Him Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed Is The Story Of Idjit Galoot S Ne Er Do Well Owner And His Efforts To Work His Way Back To The Dog That He Loves Along The Way, Idjit S Owner Encounters Christian Terrorists, Swamp Dwelling Taxidermists, Carnies, A B List Poopie Groupie, Bluesmen On The Run From A Trickster Deity, And The Florida Skunk Ape It s the timeless story of a man and his relationship with his mutt however, along the way, the protagonist must deal with the likes of Florida Spunk Ape an ape with a massive erection , Christian terrorists, a hurricane, the not so righteous hand of the law, and his own withering spirit.
The book mixes the outrageous and the irreverent with humorous low brow stuff so masterful and nuanced it ends up doing handstand and becoming highbrow no joke, the book manages to weave the vile, disturbed, and perverted into a folk literary masterpiece.
Though other commentators have pointed out the books comedic appeal and it is funny I often found myself getting caught up in the folk appeal Is folk even the right word I found that as I was reading the b What I learned from this book Never express a basset hound s anal glands Never accept a gift of feces from a nymphomaniac Be circumspect when shipping human remains on Interstate 75 Avoid Florida entirely A dog is a man s best friend.
This is probably my second favorite of Carbuncles books If you are looking for a read that keeps you turning pages and enjoy a relatively warped sense of humor than this book is definitely for you If you happen to also be a resident of Florida you will thoroughly enjoy the urban myths and local spots seamlessly put into the storyline of a man trying to get back to his ugly, old and transcendent basset hound.

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